Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Justice Restored to Middle Earth
In response to the aggression of Rohan, re-arming and building up along the Fords of Isen, the Dark Lord Sauron has reluctantly taken the situation in hand. "It was with heavy heart that I ordered the Nazgul to begin slaying elvish children in Lothlorien, but the duplicious perfidity of the Western Alliance needed to be put down." In revenge for this just move Tree-Men plundered the home of the gentle mage Saruman, elves of the Grey Havens greedily annexed the Shire as the "19th province of Elfdom", and treacherous Gondorians blocked a peaceful parade and demonstration at Minas Tirith by elite siege troops of Near Harad and Minas Morgul. Aragorn the Usurper executed the wise king Denethor, and then along with Gandalf the so-called White staged an invasion of the holy land of Mordor, nearly injuring several gentle hill trolls. In the capping indignity, scruffy hobbits, having stolen the Ring of Power which even the treasonous "Lords" of the West admit is the property of Sauron the Just, attempted to destroy the ring in the Cracks of Efficiency. Fortunately, as one would expect of their kind, they began quarreling among themselves, and were easily apprehended by loyal members of the Gestapo. So all citizens can take heart, the traitors have met their just fate, and the economy will soon be going great guns, and the trains will run on time.