Thursday, June 16, 2005

Excerpts from the Howard Fitzwater Jr. Show

...and what about this creep who calls himself The Hooligan? Yeah, that's right, he's at it again. I mean, what an appropriate name for this foreign freak eh? I tell you people, the worst thing that ever happened to this country was a bunch of vigilante wanna-be's putting on pajamas and going out at night doing what we pay good tax money for our police to do.
And what they oughtta be doing is arresting this guy. Now have you heard what he's been doing? Rumour has it he's been spotted at the scene of THREE recent gang clashes. He blew up a factory for crying out loud! And you know how these pajama types are always fighting each other, well apparently he fought these two mercenary types, I dunno, a brother and sister duo who call themselves Guillotine and Dagger since these freaks can't ever use the names their mother gave them. Anyway, from what I've been told, this Guillotine guy somehow got his neck snapped.
So what do all you liberal pantywaists have to say about that? This is the same guy you all applauded behind your backs for causing a riot last summer, just because he shut down some kind of white power rally because God forbid free speech extend to people we don't like. Well, I have news for you, this Guillotine guy was BLACK. That's right, your Black Panther Party token white boy beat up a whole bunch of black guys this time, and after that he moved right on to beating up Chinese fellas. I don't even want to tell you how many of these are sitting in the hospital right now (on the taxpayers dime, no doubt) with broken this and ruptured that.
I mean, can you believe this? He's shown his true colors alright. He's no better than those neo-nazis he smacked around, hell he's probably worse. He's just another worthless vigilante thug out to get his jollies off by lording it over the rest of us law abiding normal folk. I'll tell you one thing, those guys on the board of supervisors got it right for once, passing that law that makes these costumed clowns have to have insurance if they want to continue to go around blowing up buildings and putting street trash in the hospital. And what do you all think about this bleeding heart liberal councilman, Hewson, who is trying to undo all the County's good work by basically nullifying the new ordinance with a city statute? This guy has always been a little left of center, but come on people...mutants pretty much declared war on this country on September 11th, and this guy wants to give em the key to our city! I'm not saying all mutants are bad, but isn't it better to be safe than sorry? We don't know which ones we can trust and which ones we can't, so I say keep em on a short leash. What do you think?
Let's go to the phones.


Barilas said...


Leptopus said...

Hooligan blew up a hospital?! Why are we allowing him on our team, anyway?

Womachka said...

Where are you seeing he blew up a hospital?! I heard factory on the broadcast. The Hooligan works in very mysterious ways sometimes but better on our side to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't get too far out of control. Besides he's getting the bad press because he's out in the limelight. Now that your identity has been leaked I would be prepared if I were you I'd be prepared to see some of your actions twisted to make their agenda seem more appealing. The agenda of controling muntants.